i can stand the screams
they are mine
my music
my place
in this place
still nothing
i can stand
no more
and no longer lie
i want to feel
not quite dead
again
burying the whores
that marry the dirt
that will never wash away
praying for the blood
that still runs cold
i am standing
loving with the screams
i want them
i need them
loud with my despair
i create them
i own them
i will never let them go
i have taken the souls
that is the key
to my hate
there will be no stopping
there will be no pause
until that last long sigh
and i come home
i will take this stand
and will not be judged
i am the executioner
i am the song
that i will no longer sing
hate me
hurt me
let me taste
let me eat
it is what i am
i stand on top
i will never win
i will never lose
i alone
wear the bones of my dead
i breathe the decay
that makes life worth dying
Friday, September 12, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
is it the difference
between day and night
that must rule our world
is it about being caught up in the moment
innocently
one Friday night
that ends in a kiss (just one kiss)
and lying in bed that night
thinking
that the kiss was nice
waking up the next morning
afraid of what happened
and how it felt
taking in the daylight
when everything 'else' goes on
that is part of your life
thinking you don't have time
for such a complication
but still find yourself smiling
even if for just a moment
when i call
you don't want to give in
you don't want to think about it
but that kiss was nice
and suddenly you forget to breathe
and want to slow down
because the sun is shining
and you are ever so busy
more and more demands each day
and with all that is going on
everything that is happening
everything that will happen
here i am
arms wide open
day or night
between day and night
that must rule our world
is it about being caught up in the moment
innocently
one Friday night
that ends in a kiss (just one kiss)
and lying in bed that night
thinking
that the kiss was nice
waking up the next morning
afraid of what happened
and how it felt
taking in the daylight
when everything 'else' goes on
that is part of your life
thinking you don't have time
for such a complication
but still find yourself smiling
even if for just a moment
when i call
you don't want to give in
you don't want to think about it
but that kiss was nice
and suddenly you forget to breathe
and want to slow down
because the sun is shining
and you are ever so busy
more and more demands each day
and with all that is going on
everything that is happening
everything that will happen
here i am
arms wide open
day or night
Monday, September 8, 2008
cupid is going to die
his little ass is mine (and not in the good way)
you know who i am talking about, that little prick who flits around with his bow of love and shoots you in the head when you are not looking, yeah, that's the one, i will find him and i will blow his arrow shooting ass out of the sky, NOT with my little .22 sig sauer, no i got something special for his meddling carcass, my sks assault rifle, my 'good' one, the one with the composite stock, folding butt, scope and 8 magazines that hold a total of 230 rounds of 7.62 hollow points
ain't love grand, or the beginning of it, or whatever the fuck my situation is, it doesn't really matter, i am fucked (not in the good way)(or maybe, too early to tell) the course has been laid and there is nowhere to get off except for the end, honestly, i hope i have caught that last train to the west, i want one long and final ride, all the way to the end of the track, ALL ABOARD
but, maybe the engine just won't go, maybe the train will derail along the way, maybe it is just taking a quick run a few miles away and i will be put off in the middle of nowhere, i can say that it doesn't matter, i can shrug my shoulders, pick up my dignity and start walking or maybe find a new home, there are rocks everywhere just waiting to be crawled under
yeah cupid, you little nancy boy, i got something for you
crap motherfucker crap
you know who i am talking about, that little prick who flits around with his bow of love and shoots you in the head when you are not looking, yeah, that's the one, i will find him and i will blow his arrow shooting ass out of the sky, NOT with my little .22 sig sauer, no i got something special for his meddling carcass, my sks assault rifle, my 'good' one, the one with the composite stock, folding butt, scope and 8 magazines that hold a total of 230 rounds of 7.62 hollow points
ain't love grand, or the beginning of it, or whatever the fuck my situation is, it doesn't really matter, i am fucked (not in the good way)(or maybe, too early to tell) the course has been laid and there is nowhere to get off except for the end, honestly, i hope i have caught that last train to the west, i want one long and final ride, all the way to the end of the track, ALL ABOARD
but, maybe the engine just won't go, maybe the train will derail along the way, maybe it is just taking a quick run a few miles away and i will be put off in the middle of nowhere, i can say that it doesn't matter, i can shrug my shoulders, pick up my dignity and start walking or maybe find a new home, there are rocks everywhere just waiting to be crawled under
yeah cupid, you little nancy boy, i got something for you
crap motherfucker crap
Saturday, July 5, 2008
July 3 and 4
I really didn't know what to expect. We hadn't seen each other in a gazillion years. The emails, postings and brief phone calls appeared to have gone well, but a face to face meeting after all this time was a wild card.
As it turns out, I had nothing to fear as there were only a couple of awkward moments. The first awkward moment occurred in the parking lot of the Red Fox. I pulled up and he came out to meet me. After the long tongue kiss and heavy petting we noticed that the bikers who had come out to see a local band play were not impressed with our public display of affection. They soon settled down when I blew them all a kiss and said in my huskiest voice, "Who's next?"
Seriously though, I think it went quite well, if we can get past my social faux pau of mentioning how hot his mother looked. The true test came on the morning of the 4th when the three of us, Mr. Willoughby, my brother and I, sat down to a not so great meal at a local eatery. The food was bearable only because the hostess was very, very, very young and pretty. I fully intend on asking her out when she graduates high school or gets her learners permit, whichever comes first.
Amazingly, the groove was still there and almost instantly we were bantering and waxing philosophical, almost as if we weren't 40 somethings pissed off about most everything. Things were still going well even while talking politics. I think we all pretty much agreed to disagree about several things because it soon became evident that we all realized that not matter what route any one of us took on a politcal basis it all boiled down to the fact that, we, as a nation, are FUCKED. We also unanimously decided that, for the moment, I, being the only one armed, was the clear winner in any debate. God bless superior firepower. You can beat a man with inteligence but a surer way to come out on top is to threaten him with a public pistol whipping.
Things did take a slight turn for the worst when my dear friend opted to be a little more honest then not when answering one of my brother's questions. In this case a little white lie would have been more appropriate and could have prevented things from going sour, the shitty food not withstanding. Alas, no, when asked if he still had a guitar that my brother had gifted him some years ago, Mr. Willoughby, with very good intentions, indicated that he did not, in fact, have said guitar. For a moment I thought that there was going to be tears or bloodshed, which, if I may be truthful, saddened me just a tad bit because I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
All in all, I think things went swimmingly. We were all the same people we had been so many years ago. Just a little older and a little more willing to go postal, but still sweet and lovable all the same. It was almost, but not quite, enough and I look forward to the next go-round.
As soon as my house is dog-free and I have the ability to travel when I so desire, I will pay him a visit in whatever neck-of-the-woods he calls home.
One last thing. It was Slade you dumbass.
Fat chicks rule!
As it turns out, I had nothing to fear as there were only a couple of awkward moments. The first awkward moment occurred in the parking lot of the Red Fox. I pulled up and he came out to meet me. After the long tongue kiss and heavy petting we noticed that the bikers who had come out to see a local band play were not impressed with our public display of affection. They soon settled down when I blew them all a kiss and said in my huskiest voice, "Who's next?"
Seriously though, I think it went quite well, if we can get past my social faux pau of mentioning how hot his mother looked. The true test came on the morning of the 4th when the three of us, Mr. Willoughby, my brother and I, sat down to a not so great meal at a local eatery. The food was bearable only because the hostess was very, very, very young and pretty. I fully intend on asking her out when she graduates high school or gets her learners permit, whichever comes first.
Amazingly, the groove was still there and almost instantly we were bantering and waxing philosophical, almost as if we weren't 40 somethings pissed off about most everything. Things were still going well even while talking politics. I think we all pretty much agreed to disagree about several things because it soon became evident that we all realized that not matter what route any one of us took on a politcal basis it all boiled down to the fact that, we, as a nation, are FUCKED. We also unanimously decided that, for the moment, I, being the only one armed, was the clear winner in any debate. God bless superior firepower. You can beat a man with inteligence but a surer way to come out on top is to threaten him with a public pistol whipping.
Things did take a slight turn for the worst when my dear friend opted to be a little more honest then not when answering one of my brother's questions. In this case a little white lie would have been more appropriate and could have prevented things from going sour, the shitty food not withstanding. Alas, no, when asked if he still had a guitar that my brother had gifted him some years ago, Mr. Willoughby, with very good intentions, indicated that he did not, in fact, have said guitar. For a moment I thought that there was going to be tears or bloodshed, which, if I may be truthful, saddened me just a tad bit because I had absolutely nothing to do with it.
All in all, I think things went swimmingly. We were all the same people we had been so many years ago. Just a little older and a little more willing to go postal, but still sweet and lovable all the same. It was almost, but not quite, enough and I look forward to the next go-round.
As soon as my house is dog-free and I have the ability to travel when I so desire, I will pay him a visit in whatever neck-of-the-woods he calls home.
One last thing. It was Slade you dumbass.
Fat chicks rule!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
born on date
greetings and salutations
i hearby declare this day, 12 april, 2008 as 'cursing reality' day
i will, from time to time, claw my way out of solitary confinement to shed light on the ways of the world, i will espouse knowledge that lower beings can not live without, i will guide those lost souls to paths of righteousness, i will cure cancer, end wars and maybe get laid in the process, i will build a time machine, i will have gas, i will someday drink a cup of starbucks coffee, i will rarely capitalize ANYTHING, i will go to work, pay taxes, die and be less pleased with the latter but i will go down swinging, i will deny my involvement in the mexican midget/farm animal scandal (those pics were photoshopped (c)) i will annoy you, i will make you laugh, cry and, hopefully, curse reality, then and only then will i sink back down into my murky abyss and lie waiting for my next victim, ax sharpened, george foreman grill preheated, what wine goes with entrails, red or white?
seriously though, i have no clue if i will do anything with this or not, hey, i'm a busy guy, i am a service manager for an hvac/refrigeration company, what that really means is that i am a babysitter for a bunch of grown men who whine and bitch about their job and a coddler of customers who whine and bitch because they have to pay someone to fix their equipment, i have 2 dogs, a shitty house, a shitty 96 chevy van with no ac, a shitty ex-wife who is currently an internet escort, and an even shittier attitude, other than that i am having a great day, how about you
my point is, don't expect much that way you won't be disappointed
i hearby declare this day, 12 april, 2008 as 'cursing reality' day
i will, from time to time, claw my way out of solitary confinement to shed light on the ways of the world, i will espouse knowledge that lower beings can not live without, i will guide those lost souls to paths of righteousness, i will cure cancer, end wars and maybe get laid in the process, i will build a time machine, i will have gas, i will someday drink a cup of starbucks coffee, i will rarely capitalize ANYTHING, i will go to work, pay taxes, die and be less pleased with the latter but i will go down swinging, i will deny my involvement in the mexican midget/farm animal scandal (those pics were photoshopped (c)) i will annoy you, i will make you laugh, cry and, hopefully, curse reality, then and only then will i sink back down into my murky abyss and lie waiting for my next victim, ax sharpened, george foreman grill preheated, what wine goes with entrails, red or white?
seriously though, i have no clue if i will do anything with this or not, hey, i'm a busy guy, i am a service manager for an hvac/refrigeration company, what that really means is that i am a babysitter for a bunch of grown men who whine and bitch about their job and a coddler of customers who whine and bitch because they have to pay someone to fix their equipment, i have 2 dogs, a shitty house, a shitty 96 chevy van with no ac, a shitty ex-wife who is currently an internet escort, and an even shittier attitude, other than that i am having a great day, how about you
my point is, don't expect much that way you won't be disappointed
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